The Return
by reading
Summary: Set just after The Distance. Kirsten gets the boys settled.


_Post The Distance. I don't own any of the characters._

Kirsten knocked lightly on the pool house door as she pushed it open. Seth and Ryan were so absorbed in their conversation that they hadn't seen her come across the patio.

"Hey, Mom." Seth smiled at her and Ryan lifted his hand to her with a smile of his own.

"Hey, guys. Ryan, I realized your bed hadn't been made and thought I'd do that."

Both boys looked at the folded linens in surprise. They hadn't really noticed.

"You don't need to do that. I can do it."

She smiled. "I know you can." She reached down and picked up the stack of sheets and blankets. She put the pile in one of the chairs and sorted through it to find the fitted sheet. As she shook it out, both boys jumped off the bed.

"Well, I'm out of here. See you in the morning, man." He looked somewhat uncertainly at his mother. "'Night, Mom."

Kirsten turned and smiled awkwardly at him. "Good night, Seth." She was so glad that he was home, but now that the initial joy of his return had passed, a lingering sense of hurt from the summer made her feel self-conscious. Three months ago she would have crossed the room to hug him and kiss him, but she didn't tonight. Instead she returned to the task of making Ryan's bed.

Seth stood for a moment, stung. He'd never welcomed those signs of his mother's affection, but the withholding of them made his stomach ache. He shut the door softly behind him as he left.

Ryan went to the other side of the bed, catching an edge of the sheet as Kirsten flipped it over the bed. She smiled at him and they worked in companionable silence.

"Well. I think you should have everything you need." She walked into the bathroom, checking for washcloths, towels and soap. It was all in place. It didn't look like his room again, yet. But she knew it would soon.

She looked at Ryan who had sunk down on the bed as she'd finished her inventory.

"Tired?" She stood in front of him, and he got wearily to his feet.

"Yeah. Kind of."

She reached out and touched his arm gently.

"I'll let you get to bed." She pulled him into a brief, hard hug. "I'm so glad you're home."

Ryan returned the hug, closing his eyes for just a second before they broke apart.

Kirsten took a step back and looked at him, unsure whether this was the time to ask.

"Honey, what happened?" she whispered. She squeezed his arm lightly.

Ryan met her eyes and said softly, "Theresa lost the baby." Kirsten took a sharp breath. "She called while I was in Portland." He looked out past Kirsten to the house. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry." Ryan nodded his head. His eyes went to hers and then back out to the house. "Thanks." They were quiet for a minute and he said, "I guess I'll need to get the rest of my stuff from her house sometime." Kirsten continued to stroke his arm. "We'll go whenever you're ready. Or just Sandy or I could go." He nodded again, still not looking at her.

Finally, he dropped his head and whispered, brokenly, "I was relieved." His eyes met hers, ashamed. "How horrible does that make me?"

She put a hand to his cheek. "It doesn't make you horrible, sweetie." She let her hand fall. "Miscarriages happen. There's usually a reason." She sighed. "You shouldn't feel bad, Ryan. You did what you needed to do when you left here, but you shouldn't feel guilty that you're coming home. OK?"

Ryan lifted a shoulder in a kind of assent. Kirsten rubbed his arm again and hugged him quickly again.

"I'll see you in the morning."

xxxx

Kirsten paused before she tapped on Seth's door.

"Come in."

"Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah." Seth was sitting on the bed, sorting through a pile of records and pictures. "I guess Summer's still pretty pissed." He grinned crookedly at her.

"Don't say 'pissed' Seth," she said. "But yes, she is." Kirsten picked up one of the pictures. "You left her a note."

"I left you a note." He was trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes," she said, putting the picture back down on the bed, "you did."

Kirsten looked around the room, awkward in the heavy silence.

"Well. Good-night."

She was almost to the door, tears smarting her eyes, when Seth's voice stopped her.

"Mom?"

"What, honey?" she had her hand on the doorknob. She didn't turn to look at him and Seth felt his stomach clench again. It had been easier while he'd been in Portland. Easier to pretend that his parents were exaggerating the effects of his absence, that they were fine and basically just trying to make his life miserable by saying they were unhappy, guilting him into coming home. Being confronted by his mother's sadness and hurt had affected Seth profoundly. It made him realize that his parents had been deeply hurt by his leaving. He suspected that his mother was more comfortable with Ryan's return than his own, and that hurt more than he would have thought possible.

"I... I'm sorry."

Kirsten turned. Seth said it again, "I'm sorry." He stood up and paced back behind the bed. "I'm sorry I hung up on you the other day. I'm sorry I just left you a note." Kirsten let him ramble. "I thought it wasn't about you and Dad or Summer or Ryan, but I guess when I left, I ... made it about you. Because I didn't think about you, really any of you. I just thought about me. And when I..." Kirsten crossed the distance to him and put a hand on his arm. He hung his head and looked at her through his lashes. "I'm really sorry, Mom. I don't want you to be mad at me." He smiled shyly at her. "At least not forever."

"Oh, honey." Kirsten wrapped her arms around him. "I just missed you so much."

Seth returned the hug almost desperately. "I missed you, too."

He heard her snort softly in his ear. "What?" he said, smiling. "I did!" Kirsten pulled back to look at him. "I missed hassling you about your cooking. Mr. Ward is a really good cook."

xxxx

Kirsten slid into bed. Sandy wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled up against him.

"Get the boys settled?" he asked sleepily.

"Yes," she said with a sigh. "They're home, Sandy. They're home."


End file.
